Wise Not Withered

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-87xbi-14f596c

“I’ve questioned a lot in my life, ‘Why am I here?’ I think we all have had those moments. What is the point? Why am I… Especially me, I’m like, ‘Why have I been born into such a crazy, isolating situation? Why ME?’ And I know why, now. And it’s to share my story, to help others feel less isolated and less alone, and less weird because we get asked these questions. This is why. And it’s bigger than me. I feel like a lot of our situations that we’re put in, there’s a bigger reason. A bigger why. And now I know. And I’m really proud. I’m proud to be me. I’m proud to share my story, because although it’s a unique one, it’s a hard one, but it’s a beautiful one.”

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This is Season 4, Episode 9. This month’s guest was Rachael Go. I found Rachael through her own podcast, Mix’d Movement, where she and her siblings discuss their experiences being mixed race. Rachael herself is also a life coach, and shares her incredibly unique and inspiring life story full of confusion, isolation, loss, strength, resilience, and love.

Mix’d Movement Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Instagram

Connect with Rachael: Instagram, coachrachaelgo@gmail.com

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All right! Let’s just get right into it then!

Okay, perfect!

I feel like I always say that… Let’s get into it. Yeah! So, what is your age?

I am 42 years old.

And what roles do you hold in your life? What do you call yourself, what do other people call you?

Well, I am… Oh my goodness, I feel like over the years I have worn a lot—acquired a lot—of skills. My first career: I’ve been licensed for twenty years as a manicurist, and that’s taken me all over the country in various ways. I am a mother of three. And I am also building a career in coaching, and Podcasting! That is where my focus is, and my passion is right now, and will continue to be! (Laughs) Because it’s a really important topic that I’ve decided to start talking about, and helping people work through, which is being mixed race.

And that is… Something that I feel like we haven’t had a space to talk about it. It’s pretty dynamic, and kind of unique to be mixed race. And especially my age, when I was younger, there wasn’t a place to talk about the complexities. It never felt safe, because nobody really understood. And about two years ago, I had this idea to make that space. Make a change in the world in that realm. So here I am!

Yeah! Oh… There’s so many followup questions I want to ask. Maybe I’ll go in order. So you mentioned you’ve been doing… You’re a manicurist, that means doing manicures? You are the one doing the manicures?

Yes, I am. I am the service provider. And that, especially doing that as long as I have, I feel very blessed to have been able to sit down and get to know people of all ages, all different walks of life, in a very personal and close space. And it’s really interesting when you sit across from somebody directly, they feel a lot safer, and then you add touch—especially physical touch. It’s amazing to me what people have shared with me over the years! I feel very blessed for getting to know so many different people, in such a deep and personal level. Not everyone, but…

That is how my life has changed, though. I’m originally from outside of Chicago, Illinois. The first three years I worked at a salon, on the north side—it was actually my sister’s salon, on the north side of Chicago. And I’ve had several clients, but a few that became friends. And one knew that I wanted to move. I wasn’t sure where I was going to go, and she’s from Washington state. And she said, “You know, I know you want a change! I’m moving back to Washington, if you want to join me!”

And I did! And that was in 2005. Which is wild! (Laughs) I lived here for about three years. And then kind of similar, a hair stylist that I worked with, she and I went on vacation to Maui. We came back, and everything was fine and great and wonderful. Then her life shifted, and she said, “That’s it. I’m moving to Maui. Do you want to join me?” (Laughs) So I moved to Maui! I was there for about three years, then I moved back to Washington.

Okay, I was going to ask how manicuring take you around. But I guess that’s the answer!

Yes, that’s it. Between clients, and coworkers… It’s just kind of in a way that you wouldn’t really expect! Just relationship building.

Yeah, I guess it was important that you mentioned you wanted to move, so your client knew you wanted to move. Putting that out there, having people know what you wanted to do. Yeah… Let’s see… Why don’t you talk about your coaching business? When did you star that, and why? I’m sure there’s so much there!

Yes! It’s funny, because I started this career kind of backwards.

Yeah?

I began with my podcast. And I realized, I completely wanted to build a career in this. I’m very passionate about this topic. I wasn’t sure how to… What facet to go with to earn an income in this realm. And I realized that through the twenty years of being licensed as a manicurist, I’ve developed a lot of really good interpersonal skills! So it just kind of came to me one day. Wow! I have this skill. I also owned a photography business for about five years. And that was great, but I missed working with people.

I learned about coaching, so I decided to apply that into my world. And it is… It has been amazing. Being able to help people like myself—or, actually some people not like myself—work through some really deep things, structure a plan to make shifts in their lives that they’ve always wanted to but had never been able to. I have helped a couple of my clients move out of areas where they didn’t feel safe, because of their race.

Right.

I am working with somebody who is phenomenal and wants to do big things and build an addiction facility for mixed race individuals, because we are the highest demographic to be susceptible to addiction, homicide, depression… So it’s been very rewarding, very incredible in a way that I didn’t expect.

Yeah. And I don’t know if I missed, how long have you been doing it now?

Two years!

Two years, okay.

So I’m relatively new in the coaching realm. But I don’t feel like I am, because of how long I’ve worked directly with people. This is just in a different facet.

Mhm, like more focused now on that versus like, you’re kinda doing is as you’re… Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah, cool! What’s the name of your coaching business?

My coaching business is Love Yourself Coaching. My email address is Coach Rachael Go. And my Podcast is the Mix’d Movement.

Yeah! So talk more about your Podcast! I have listened to I think the first five episodes, and a few others. It’s so great. I am also mixed race, too, and it also felt like, wow these are things that I didn’t realize so many people were experiencing. It’s so relatable!

Oh, I’m glad to hear that. Thank you.

Yeah! So you’ve been doing that also for two years, right?

It launched in May of 2022.

Oh, so it’s been like a year and a half.

Yeah, a year and a half. I mean, it took a lot to get it up and running. (Laughs) But… I love the backstory, I’m not gonna lie. It’s amazing what beautiful things can stem from tragedy.

Right.

I’ll start with my family members. My co-hosts are my half-siblings. We knew of each other, growing up, but we weren’t raised in the same household. We shared the same father, and they share the same mother and father. I didn’t hold a relationship with my father—I wasn’t really allowed to, growing up. My mother had her reasons, and I understand that.

But about four and a half years ago, I received a message from my half-brother saying that our dad was not doing well, and he’s being put into hospice. So I flew down to Texas to see him and say my final good-byes, and that was when we reconnected as siblings. And my sister pulled me to the side—it was just her and I in the room with our dad—and explained to me that she’d always wanted a relationship with me, and was really sad that that hadn’t happened. And she looked at me, and of course I’m crying my eyes out, and she said, “Can we start over, now? Will you be my sister?”

And ever since then, every single day, she and our brother have texted each other “Good morning”, every single day—I don’t think we’ve missed a day. We FaceTime pretty regularly. And we’re pretty close! We haven’t definitely where we, I guess left off. And I love and appreciate them so much. It’s like we were raised together.

And then a couple of years ago, I faced a major loss. My home flooded, and I also at the same time had ended a relationship that ended very badly. I had to go through a four-month battle to get a restraining order put in place. So I lost my home, I felt like I was hiding—or put into hiding. And here I am, a single mother with three children and nowhere to go. And I just stopped for a moment and thought about it.

I had spent so much panicked, in panic mode. And I was advised to… Sit, and face it, for a moment—by my therapist, who is brilliant! And in that time, I thought, “Okay, what do I want to do now?” Everything I knew, that I had, that was, is no longer. And I realized, I’m like, “This is actually the cleanest slate any adult could get!”

Yeah.

I have nothing! (Laughs) I closed my photography business. That was when this idea stemmed. I said, “You know what? Since I have nothing left to lose, and only everything to gain, I’m going to put myself out there. I want to start this Podcast. I want it be about mixed race, because we don’t have a space to talk about these things.” And so I called my half-siblings, and I asked them, “Are you in?” And they were like, “Absolutely! Let’s do this!” (Laughs)

So that was when the idea was born! Through a tragic, traumatic experience, but it’s been incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Yeah, that was about to be my next question, like when did you find the strength to… But I mean, you answered it.

Through loss!

Yeah! I mean, I can definitely relate. Hitting that really low point… Like, this is the time to make a change. That’s amazing. Yeah, I guess talking a little more about your coaching… How have you noticed like, changes within yourself, as you have…

Oh my goodness! (Laughs)

So you mentioned you have had a therapist, but then being on the other side of that, like in a more purposeful way—yeah, how have you noticed your own self change?

I… Wow, where do I start? I feel like I have gained more than ever in this realm, in coaching. I would say probably my biggest, lately… It’s a beautiful story. I’m honored to be in this position. I hosted a workshop at a women’s retreat, and it was a smaller group, and it was lovely. And my topic was connection and vulnerability, and how that can lead to your tribe. This was a group of women from all different walks of life, ages spanning from 20’s to 40’s. I had everybody do an exercise. My intention for them was to just write it down. But at this point in our day together, we were all really comfortable with one another.

And my question was, “Can you think of a time where you hid who you were to be accepted, because you thought you weren’t going to be?” And everybody wrote down… And I said, “If you would like to share—” because I knew a lot of this information was deeply personal. So “If you would like to share, you can share.” And almost everybody did, and it wasn’t superficial. It was deep-rooted, really painful things. And I cried, listening to a lot of this.

But my biggest takeaway from that experience was… I no longer look at people with the eyes of… I feel like a lot of us human beings have judgement. That is how we learn and grow, or learn about our environment and the people that we’re around. And I know at some point, especially my younger self  would question, like, “I wonder what her house looks like.” Just silly, superficial things. But now, every single person I meet, I question, “What have you overcome? What battle have you fought and overcome?” Or “What are you going through silently, that you’re not talking to anybody about?” Because every single one of us has a story. Every single one of us has been through something, to whatever degree. And I greet people—new people especially—with a lot more compassion and understanding than I used to. I’ve never been a mean, judgmental person, but that is now in the front of my mind, knowing that truthfully, we’ve all been through some hard things. It’s crazy! A lot more compassion for people.

Yeah. That’s beautiful. Do you do those kinds of workshops very often?

I am calling more into my life right now. Speaking events, as well. I was a speaker at a small event at a winery, this summer. And that was a phenomenal experience, also to be able to get up in a room of women, and talk about the things that are really important to me, and share my story and my experience, especially to further other people’s understandings of… We’ve all been through things. You can’t guess just by looking at somebody! Don’t judge, and think to yourself, “Wow. Her life must be perfect.” Cause nobody’s life is perfect.

Yeah, definitely. Wow. I guess a little more open-ended questions: What inspires you?

What inspires me? Oh my goodness! So I… Everything! (Laughs) A lot of things inspire me, but most of all, I am encouraged and built out of love. And anything that I do, I know will come back to me. So when I go about my day, I always start with love first. Also, being a mom of three children… Sometimes it gets a little tested throughout my day. But truthfully I firmly believe you get back what you put out.

Right now, I’m very into cooking, and I love to make food that tastes good, and is good for you. I feel like that’s love, right there. So I love cooking. I eat mostly vegetarian. I’m exploring new ingredients, new spices, new methods of cooking. So that! Food! I’m very food-driven.

What’s the most exciting thing you’ve cooked recently?

I am very into lentils and different curries.

Mmm! Yum!

Which has been very fun and different. And absolutely delicious. Fried rice patties.

Oh!

Yes! You make sticky rice, and fry it. And then I make different sauces to put over it. And I love mushrooms. I’ll do like a mushroom… It’s really adorable, my children want me to open a restaurant. They’re very little, too. And I’m like, “Wow that sounds like a lot of work, you guys!” (Laughs) They’re like, “We’ll help, Mom! We’ll help!” I’m like, “I don’t think… Okay!” It’s really cute, it’s really cute.

Yeah, that’s sweet. What are some things that you have learned from them?

Oh my goodness! A lot of patience… A LOT of patience. One thing that I find really important, and I’m trying my hardest to establish a really solid foundation—because I didn’t feel like I had this growing up—is communication.

Mm. You said you did NOT have that growing up?

I didn’t have… I didn’t feel like I could communicate with my mom about certain things growing up. Especially when it came down to the hard things, and the weird questions that I was asked at school… And that led to a lot of depression, a lot of anxiety, especially as a teenager. Of course, as a parent, you want things for your children that you may not have had. That being said, I’ve always gotten down to their level, eye level, and communicated with them. I want them to feel safe, and heard, and understand why I say no. Why this is a yes. I talk a lot to my children throughout the day. (Laughs) My voice is almost gone by the end of the day, because I clarify things, I explain to them…

My favorite is, at bedtime with them, I ask them four questions, in hopes of building that solid foundation of a safe space to communicate with me as they get older. The questions that I ask them are, What was the best part of your day? What mistakes can we celebrate? In hopes of teaching them that mistakes happen. Mistakes happen for a reason, and what can we learn from them. They are nothing to be ashamed of—nobody is perfect. So we talk about a mistake that happened, or an incident, and what can we learn from it? And then I ask them, what was something kind that you did for somebody today? And what was something kind that somebody did for you?

So those are my four topics every night at the end of the night, that I cuddle in bed with them and I ask them. I’m hoping to raise some pretty mindful children. (Laughs)

Yeah, sounds like it! It also… I feel like right before bed, that’s one of the last things they hear, their brains are working on it. Maybe even preparing them for the next day, like… Putting that kindness and lessons into their day. Yeah. That’s great. I love that.

Yes, yes… It’s also coaching! (Laughs)

Yeah! It is.

Things I’ve learned!

Yeah!

And you learn a lot. You learn a lot about their lives, and their worlds, through doing this.

Yeah… I love that. Maybe switching gears a little bit, what are some hobbies or leisure activities that you enjoy?

I enjoy cooking. That’s a big one for me. It’s really funny, I don’t watch TV. And a lot of people are surprised by that. Or movies… Those are just not… They don’t engage me enough. I love to listen to music, and do things. I love to dance. I know it sounds crazy, but I love having like a silent disco. (Laughs) It’s important to move your body. And I do love to work out, and go for walks.

I am definitely more of an artist type. So… I used to sew. And I’m excited, my oldest is at the age where I can start teaching her, so I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be picking that back up soon. Just creating whatever I possibly can, too. I guess whatever my mood is for. Right now, I’m really into pressing flowers, making art and cards with that.

So yeah, lots of different things! Lots of different things. But working out is actually one thing I absolutely love to do. I’m really proud of my body! I am 42 years old, and I have carried three children, two at the same time. (Laughs) And I have a fully functioning body that has done some pretty amazing things, and I think it’s really important to honor that, throughout your day, throughout your week. So I like to take care of my body, and push myself! I’m really proud of where I am right now, all things considered. So that is another thing I am really passionate about, being active, being physical, being capable, and giving your body the love that it needs, through food and movement.

Yeah, definitely! What kind of music do you like?

It’s all across the board… I’m a big Spotify listener. And every year, at the end of the year, they put together, you know, your stats. And typically…I think it was last year, it was 165 different genres of music. So like I said, all across the board.

Yeah, truly!

Whatever suits my mood! That’s why I love music too. It can spark something in you, and when it does, you feel it! It’s art. It’s a form of expression, in ways that you might not be able to vocalize, but when you hear it, you feel it. That, I love. It’s something that makes you light up from the inside, or cry, or wanna dance. It’s beautiful. I wish I could sing. (Laughs) That is one thing… Maybe one day I’ll try to take voice lessons, but that is not… Right now. (Laughs)

Yeah. (Laughs) Do you play any instruments?

No, I don’t… I have not been… I have not had the best rhythm, growing up. So I’ve actually been very shy, when it comes to music and dancing. Through working out, strangely enough, I have gained that sense of rhythm.

Yeah!

Which is kind of surprising. Just last night, I went salsa dancing with some friends.

Amazing! That’s great, I love that. Was that the first time you’ve done that?

No, I would say over the last year or so I’ve been learning salsa. It’s a beautiful dance. It’s an art. It’s amazing. I’m new, still learning. But it’s fun!

Yeah, that’s so cool! What recharges you? Of course, your cooking and eating, but…

Rest. Meditation. Peace. Quiet. Sometimes especially as a mother, when I have an opportunity to be home alone, in silence… I just, that’s what I like to do. I like to journal. Get your emotions, and thoughts and feelings out, and that’s actually one of the most important tools that I insist or push my clients to do. Journal every night. It’s cathartic. It’s amazing what comes out. And it’s just an important thing to do, just get it out, get it on paper. And then years down the road, you can read through, see where you were and see how far you’ve come.

So that’s really helpful. But I really do like to rest, and sleep, if I can. I feel like we don’t get enough sometimes. I am working on that myself. And learning! I feel firmly that one of the scariest things is a stagnant mind… And I feel like growing up, I met a lot of older people that were very stubborn… “I don’t need to learn that! I know everything. I already know that.”

The scariest thing is… A stagnant mind. I also acknowledge, especially right after I moved to Maui, how important learning is. And that is actually something that has always driven me. Wherever I go, I want to know everything that I possibly can about everything around me. So especially when I lived in Hawaii, learning everything about the culture and the food. But the land, and the history! And the ocean! Even the fact that there are no snakes on the island is really amazing to me! So it was a really safe place for camping! Adventuring, hiking there. There are very few land predators. Learning everything I possibly can about the space. I know, isn’t that crazy?

Yeah! That’s so interesting.

The land predators… Which is amazing to me. The worst thing, there are two that you have to worry about: wild pigs, and goats.

Goats?

Yes. Those are the two. And then centipedes… But… I find it really, it drives me to learn as much as I possibly can as much as I possibly can. (Laughs) I think that’s why I love to create, I love to cook, I love to see how things work. I know that, through the knowledge that I’ve gained from learning about all different things, has helped me really help my clients, in coaching as well. Because I feel like I know a little bit about a lot of things. And so I feel like I’ve become a fairly well-rounded adult. But I’m not done!! (Laughs)

Yeah!

I’m not like, “Oh, I know everything! I’m good here.”

Oh my gosh. (Laughs) Yeah.

Yes, so learning is a big passion of mine.

Do you do a lot of reading? Or is it more like hands-on stuff?

You know what’s interesting, I had a mild dyslexia when I was growing up. So reading for me has not been enjoyable, historically.

Yeah.

But I have been… I’m really passionate right now about learning about generational trauma. So I’ve been going to the library, and reading as many books as I can, which is really different for me. But it’s a beautiful challenge. And reading books about mixed race, too. There are quite a few, which is amazing, that people are sharing their stories and their experiences with the world. So right now I’m focused on generational trauma, and also mixed race and other people’s experiences, globally. 

Yeah! What are some of the books you’ve read? Cause I’ve been diving into that, too. So many of the things you’ve shared, I’m like, “Me too, me too!”

Oh! I love it! Right now, I am halfway through with “Go Back and Get It”.

Oh! Who’s that by? I’ve never heard of that.

Oh, it’s so good. It’s by Dionne Ford. She talks about… So she’s in an interracial marriage, and it’s her story about going back and trying to figure out her ancestry. It’s wild, the things she’s had to navigate through… Her great-great-grandfather was a plantation owner, in the south. And his wife was not able to have children. And… It’s a tough thing to talk about, but his wedding gift was… A slave. And he procreated with her. So in the late 1800’s, she birthed six biracial children. And it’s just crazy, cause it’s stops there. There’s no… In his obituary, when she read it, there was no mention of children. Cause that wasn’t… Really… Allowed, back then.

Wow. Oh my gosh.

So it’s really fascinating. And especially when speaking in terms of generational trauma, and slavery, it brings up a lot of emotion in me, which is just driving me to keep going.

Yeah, definitely.

It’s fascinating. And it’s hard!

Yeah!

But it’s really important to understand. And it’s not just mixed race. It’s not just minority groups. When you think about… I mean, I’m also part German. There’s a lot of history from my ancestors, too! I think it’s really fascinating, and it’s really important to understand. And I’m just at the very beginning of learning about this. I feel like it’s important.

Have you read The Body Keeps The Score.

Not yet. But it’s on my list. Have you?

Yeah. It was very tough to read. Yeah.

Yeah.

I only read it in the middle of the day. Like I did not start or end my day with it. (Laughs)

Yes. (Laughs) There are some books where you have to do that. It’s not a bedtime story!

No, definitely not… Have you read My Grandmother’s Hands?

That is the next book I’m checking out from the library. Is that one…

Yeah. It’s AMAZING.

Good! I’m excited. I’m also really excited that there are a lot more shows and films about being mixed race, and biracial. Unfortunately it’ll take me a long time to get to them, because I really don’t watch a lot. But I love that at this point in time, where we are, there ARE more books, and there ARE more documentaries, and there ARE more shows, and people are talking about this. Which is just driving the importance of my work even further.

Because it is a scary role to take on. I’m putting myself out there so publicly, through my podcast especially. I have had the honor of meeting several people, through social media, that I’ve had meetings with, who are in hiding. Because they’ve received death threats, just horrible things, JUST for being mixed race. And you would hope that racism would not exist with what we’ve gone through historically… To reach the end of segregation, the end of slavery. And you would hope that we would be at a different place, but it’s still pretty prevalent.

Yeah…

Which is crazy. And the mixed demographic is the fastest-growing demographic in the US. Growing three times larger than any racial group.

Yeah, makes sense!

So that does two things. It adds a lot of hope for the mixed race community, that the more our demographic grows, the less of a stigma there will be, the less of a separation there will be. And also, drives me further to continue the work that I’m doing, because we’re not there yet. And there are going to be a lot more people that I hope to help through my podcast, and through coaching. Learn how to navigate these really interesting situations that we’ve been faced with.

Yeah, out of my own curiosity, how do you go about finding new clients?

All different ways. When I first started my podcast, there was a community on Facebook, a closed group for mixed race people. And I posted in there, and I asked, you know, “Would anybody like to be interviewed?” And so I think my first four interviews were people that I had met through that group.

Now… The more I talk about it, the more people recommend people, too. Currently I am working on scheduling… It’s so funny, somebody that I met at the farmer’s market! I mentioned my podcast, and she’s like, “My daughter-in-law would be great!” So I’m gonna be interviewing her!

Awesome!

And there is a really amazing community here. They put on BIPOC mixers, which is pretty incredible. So I’ve been attending as many of those events as I possibly can, and networking there. And yesterday actually, there was a conference. It was a connection and community conference. And it was an all-day event, and oh my goodness. Passing out business cards, and talking to people from all different facets and realms in this community has been incredible!

And that is one thing that I do really… That excites me the most about my podcast, is that it’s very… It’s very… Varied! I don’t just talk, myself. It’s not just my half-siblings and I. It’s a hybrid. And so it’s been really exciting. One of my mosts recent episodes was actually a dear friend of mine who I’ve known for the last 18 years. He is a white dude, an older white dude.

Oh, I think I listened to that one!

Did you? I love that episode! It’s one of my favorites. He’s very unassuming, when you see him. He wouldn’t stand out as being the person that he is. But he has been an advocate for minority groups for, gosh the last 30 years or so! And I think he started in the 90’s, up in Seattle, holding talks. And he said, “My first talk, 7 people showed up. By my third talk, I had 150 people.”

Wow!

And I’m like, “This is why we’re friends!” (Laughs) This is why. And he’s just the nicest human being. But the thing that I absolutely love, and I’m learning about, and I may become a Bahá’í. He is of Bahá’í faith. And the reason why I wanted to interview him, it’s because there’s one key element that when I learned about this faith, I cried. I felt so… Globally accepted and loved. They encourage interracial marriage, the Bahá’ís. Because, their theory and their thought, which is true, is that the more we blend our cultures, the less diversity, the less there will be racism, the less… “They” over here, and you know… It’s a beautiful view.

Right, right.

As a biracial, mixed race person who has felt discriminated against, and like I don’t belong in any one demographic… It just feels safe, to know that there are Bahá’ís all across the world, that encourage these things, these relationships. Learning about other cultures, bringing them into your life. Encouraging others to question the things that might scare them about different cultures. And learn! It’s amazing. It feels… Safe. Finally.

Yeah. That’s beautiful! 

Yes, I am learning about the Bahá’í faith through my friend who I interviewed on my podcast, and I very firmly believe—I feel it in my gut—that it will lead me to more interviews, more guests, and learning as much as I possibly can about faith, and different cultures. So that’s really important to me too.

Yeah. Yeah! I… I loved your answers. Though I was wondering how you find your coaching clients!

That… Primarily through social media. And I do have an ad in my podcast, for my coaching business as well. But primarily through social media. When I first started, I didn’t niche down into the biracial, mixed race field, realm. So my first several clients were actually on different continents, which was amazing! I offered and took on a lot of free clients. I’m really happy that I had that experience, because it truly makes me believe that we are all connected. We all struggle with not necessarily the same issues, but similar.

Right.

And I am really grateful for those clients that I have been able to work with. But then, getting into this facet has been… I primarily find people through my social media, who follow me, and word of mouth also. I’ve had several clients refer their friends to me, which just feels wonderful! (Laughs)

Definitely! Yeah. All right, I guess you did talk about hitting that low point. Would you say that is one of the biggest challenges you’ve overcome in your life?

One of the biggest… (Laughs) I’ve overcome a lot. Actually, this workshop I attended yesterday, we had to write down on a post-it note some really tough things… And I was like, “Where do I begin?” (Laughs) To be honest with you, I think that I’m still working through this. I think a lot of us as we get older, we’re more comfortable facing some childhood traumas. And I would say the biggest that I am overcoming every day, is my family dynamic, and being born into… The situation I was born into.

I just… I will share it. It’s what shaped me, and also what has driven me the most to get into this field of work. My mom, who is white, was married to a white man, and had an affair with a black man. And that is how I came to be. And I am so incredibly proud of my entire family, all of my parents, for being honest, and not hiding their mistakes, I guess.

My mom… I remember, my very first memory. I was in the basement with my sister and my mom, she was doing laundry. I was probably 3 or 4. And she told my sister and myself, and my sister was born with my mom’s husband and my mom—so she’s white. And she told us, “Girls, I want you to know that you have different dads.” And I remember looking at my mom, looking at my sister. Looking at my mom. Looking at my sister. Like, what does this mean? My sister thought about it, and she says, “But we’re still sisters, right?” And she said, “Yeah! And I will always be your mommy.” And that was that.

So I’ve known my story from a very young age. Which I’m very proud of my mom for doing… My mom and my sister’s dad—they were divorced when I was 2-ish. And my sister’s dad adopted me. There was no paperwork, it just was. He was there when I was born, he signed the birth certificate, I saw him every other weekend. He supported me throughout the years. He walked me down the aisle when I got married. He’s my dad. He’s Irish and Lithuanian. My entire maiden name was Irish and Lithuanian.

So for me, that was beautiful, but it was also really challenging. Especially knowing of and having met my biological father, and my half-siblings, very sporadically throughout my life, was really confusing. So working through the fact that I… And this is a term that I used when I was younger, I was a mistake! I was not planned. I’m the result of an affair. I shouldn’t be here. Why am I here? So that was really hard, growing up. I also acknowledge that I am a people-pleaser. And that stems from my upbringing. And I never once didn’t feel absolutely loved. I will say that. But I was afraid of being abandoned by my family. Like, I shouldn’t be here. If I misstep, they’re gonna put me up for adoption or disown me.

So it put a lot of pressure on me as a child. So that I will say is probably the biggest… I’m still overcoming it, right now. And I realized, actually fairly recently, that my desire to move out of the midwest stemmed from, deep down… I just wanted to get away. I wanted to get away from my family dynamics. I wanted to not have to explain how I’m related to my sister anymore.

Right, yeah…

That was not… I didn’t know that was the reason, but I think underlying that was pushing me to get away because I was sick of it! At the beginning of every school year, I had to draw a family tree to my new classmates, because they didn’t understand how my sister was my sister, and my dad was my dad, and my mom was my mom. “Oh, you must be adopted.” “No, I’m not adopted. Let me explain to you why…” Those are the situations that I talk about in my podcast, and through coaching. It’s painful, but I also didn’t know how to navigate it. Nobody told me, nobody could tell me. I didn’t feel safe talking to my mom about these things when I was in the 6th grade.

So again, and I feel like I’m still overcoming this, especially with the loss of my biological father, I feel like I can’t ask him certain questions, but I’ve learned so much through my relationship with my half-siblings. And I was able to attend his memorial service. And it’s just crazy to me that things are… I’m still learning things. His best friend looked at me and said, “Oh my gosh, Rachael! I haven’t seen you since you were itty-bitty!” I’m like, “You saw me when I was little!? What?” He said, “Yes, your dad was so excited!” I’m like, “You knew!?” My parents knew? I wasn’t a surprise!? So it’s just… I’m still working through these things, which is wild!

It’s beautiful. I’ve questioned a lot in my life, “Why am I here?” I think we all have had those moments. What is the point? Why am I… Especially me, I’m like, “Why have I been born into such a crazy, isolating situation? Why ME?” And I know why, now. And it’s to share my story, to help others feel less isolated and less alone, and less weird because we get asked these questions. This is why. And it’s bigger than me. I feel like a lot of our situations that we’re put in, there’s a bigger reason. A bigger why. And now I know. And I’m really proud. I’m proud to be me. I’m proud to share my story, because although it’s a unique one, it’s a hard one, but it’s a beautiful one.

Yeah. Definitely.

Sorry if that was a lot!

No, I love it. I love it!! Thank you so much for sharing all of that. That was just so beautiful, so inspiring. I love it so much. I have asked myself similar questions, too. Yeah.

I feel like we all have had our moments, like “What am I doing!?” (Laughs)

Right. (Laughs)

But there’s a reason! And I firmly believe that everybody is here for a reason. Sometimes it’s just really difficult figuring that out.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah… How do you define success?

Oh! (Laughs) Success is… Essentially, when you set a goal and you achieve it. But it goes a little bit further than that. I feel like we have a lot of successes that we may overlook throughout our day, throughout our week, throughout our year… But when you set a goal, and you achieve it, and you feel good about it—to me, that is success. It’s how you feel. And even if it’s a goal that you set and you may not have reached it, what can you take away from it? I don’t believe that there is a “failure” because there’s always a lesson to learn. So I think that yeah, success is what you can take away from certain things. But from a more fundamental, yes, if you set a goal, you achieve it, and you feel really good about it, that to me is a win, that’s a success.

Awesome. What’s a recent success that you’ve had?

Ooh! Might take me a moment… Recent success… Relaunching my podcast! I took a break for a while. I was a little overwhelmed with things… You know, raising three children, and I do work a couple days at the salon, and the holidays, and I started a couple of beta test groups, and held workshops… It was really the workshops–those are work, they take a lot of preparation. I just… It was a lot on my plate, so I paused it for a little bit longer than I anticipated. So, relaunching it, and I did have emotions of… A little bit of fear, like what is this season gonna hold? How am I gonna do this? Listening to your own podcast—as I’m sure you know—is really hard! (Laughs) It’s really hard to listen to your voice.

And I realized my first three interviews, I had a sinus infection. All three of them! I have children. They were back in school without masks. We were perpetually ill. Sounded like I was talking like this. (Laughs) So listening to that, I’m like, “Oh my gosh, this isn’t my voice!” But I also realized that I needed to develop my interview skills. (Laughs)

(Laughs) I have had that exact realization too!! (Laughs)

Uh-huh! So, relaunching, I’m like, “Am I good at this!?” (Laughs) So I had a lot of nerves, but since Season 2 has been launched, I’m really proud! I’m really proud. I’m proud of my topics and my guests, and I feel like I have refined my interview skills, a little bit more. I still have some work to do. I am just really proud of this season! And what topics I’ve talked about, and how they’re just… They’re not quite directly what you would think. They surprised me! That, I would say, is definitely the biggest success that I’ve had lately.

Cool! Yeah. That’s awesome. Just a couple more questions… What’s something you’re looking forward to?

Speaking opportunities! I don’t have any yet, but I’m calling them into my life. I’m manifesting them. And that, to me, is absolutely wild. I never… I’m very introverted. I was never even able to raise my hand at a meeting with all of my coworkers and speak without shaking, and sweating, and being really, really nervous.

Right.

So when I look back at my past, and fear of public speaking… (Laughs) I’m like, “I want to speak publicly! I want to travel! And I want to talk about this topic!” What is wrong with me!? (Laughs) Am I crazy!? Who is this person? But that is what I’m looking forward to! This new career, this new realm of life for me. And I’m really, really proud to be here, to do it!

So yeah, it’s wild! I never thought I would want to travel, and speak publicly, but here I am! Surprising myself. (Laughs)

Yeah, I love it! That’s all my questions. Do you have anything else you wanted to add?

Honestly… I truly believe that, for anybody listening, that they take away a little bit more knowledge of accepting and understanding mistakes, and the trials that we go through… I actually would like to share this story, if you don’t mind.

Yeah!

When my house flooded… My house flooded, I was actually in Utah with my best friend. We rented a camper van and drove around Utah for our 40th birthdays. That was when my house flooded. It was a two-story home, and a pipe burst upstairs, and spewed water for about ten hours before it was discovered. It absolutely destroyed… And I wasn’t in a good place… I felt out of control. I didn’t know what was happening. All of my belongings… I have a really good relationship with my ex-husband, who’s a paramedic fire-fighter. So they went into the house, and they moved everything. But at the same time, I’m like, “Wow, the whole entire fire department is in my belongings right now! This is awkward!” (Laughs)

Right. (Laughs)

And I asked him, “Do you want me to come home early?” He said, “Honestly, we’ve got it covered. If anything, you’re probably gonna be a little emotional, so let’s clear out the house. Stay on your trip. Finish it up. We’ve got it covered here.” I was grateful for that, but at the same time, to be so far away and have your whole home destroyed was TOUGH! I tried my best to continue to enjoy my trip, but deep down I was really struggling.

When we were driving from our last destination back to Salt Lake City, it was about a six-hour drive… My best friend drove, and she said, “I don’t want you to drive. I want you to just hang out.” I was like, “Okay, what do I do?” I always travel—it’s the weirdest thing. I always travel with these gift tags. So they’re either square or circular tags, that has a little metal, aluminum rim, and then paper. And they’re on a string. I do that, I’m such a nerd. (Laughs) I write inspirational quotes, and I leave them, like in the airport, or on a shelf in the grocery store!

That’s so cute!!!

Oh, thank you! (Laughs) When I was in this space of just… It was a low point, and it was a scary point. And I was trying to be positive. I’m like, “I’m gonna write down positivity, and I’m gonna spread it all across the land, because I feel like I’m losing…”

Wow.

So I did that, and… It still kills me that this happened. I did that, I went all across Salt Lake—I went into bars, women’s bathrooms, I would leave a little note, or in the airport on the way home, I left them in little shops… And I hoped somebody out there received the message they needed at the time. And then I came back home, and life proceeded. And it just was chaos. I mean, my entire house was boxed up by a restoration company and put into shipping containers. I stayed with the most incredible friend a human being could ask for, for ten months while I figured out what I was going to do. And the day that I got my own apartment, which was brand new, 1300-square feet, absolutely beautiful, I worked so hard for this… I’d been through so much. It was really a significant event for me to be moving in, on my own, into this place, I found one of those tags, in my car.

Aww!

And it’s still in my car, because it says, “Is this happening to me?” And then you flip it over, it says, “Or is this happening for me?”

Yes… Yeah.

It’s still in my car. I see it every single day. I’m like, “Wow, that one was meant for me.”

Yeah, wow!

Isn’t that crazy?

I love that.

So I hope that anybody listening can take away that perspective. There’s a lot of beauty that can come from some pretty tough things. Don’t judge, don’t be so hard on yourself if you feel like you’re failing. We all do. Give yourself grace. And we’re here for a reason.

Yeah. I love that. Thank you so much.

You’re so welcome!