Wise Not Withered

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-h8inh-14e262c

“It’s ongoing. You’re constantly working, and you’re constantly building, and striving for excellence, when it comes to whatever you have a passion for. And I have a passion for my YouTube channel. I have a passion for singing. I have a passion for helping people, know what I mean? I really do. That is a passion of mine. And this is what I do. I could be walking down the street, and a regular Joe Schmo, Mary Lou will come up me, not knowing me from a can of paint! And they will pour their heart and soul out to me. And that has happened on numerous occasions. Know what I mean? Especially with people that I do know as well. A lot of people have come to me, and continue to come to me, in confidence, because they can appreciate my advice, or my counsel, or my positive energy, my encouragement, my being able to uplift. That… I don’t know. This is what I’ve been told from people, as well. I encourage. I uplift. I motivate. This is what I do. And some people say, ‘Well that’s your ministry!’ Okay. Okay. If that… I do believe that as well. I do have a gift.”

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Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! We are in Season 4, Episode 8. This month’s guest is Ms. Moe. She is a YouTube creator and personality; you can find her under @LetsTalkWithMoe on YouTube and Instagram, and more recently on YouTube she has leaned more toward reaction videos so it’s called Ms. Moe Reacts. I found her on Instagram, and I liked her personality, she seemed very positive and entertaining! She talks about lots of different things: a little bit about her upbringing, the work she does outside of her YouTube channel, her children who are also content creators and business owners, and many things she has learned over her lifetime.

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Cool! All right, so let’s just jump right in. What is your age?

My age is 57!

57, cool. And where did you grow up? And what other places have you called home throughout your life?

I grew up here in Springfield, Massachusetts. That’s where I’m born and raised. And I called New Haven, Connecticut home for a short time. I had my first son, my first child, when I was there. And so that was back in ’82. I had lived there… I would say… A good year. And a few months. And when my son was a few months old, I moved back here.

Okay. What brought you to Connecticut?

(Laughs) At the time… My husband.

Okay. And then you moved back… What brought you back?

Um… For better opportunities. Things weren’t going too well there. Of course, we were still together—we hadn’t gotten married yet. But yeah, better opportunity, hopefully. Just for a better life, a better start. I just had my son, so we were still trying to figure things out.

And what do you do for a living?

So… For an actual living! (Laughs) For an actual living, I work for a community health center here in Springfield, Massachusetts. It’s called the Caring Health Center, and I have been working there… Upcoming on October 6th, it will be 17 years! I’ve been there since ’06, so you do the math! I have worn many hats there, but I work for them. It’s a non-profit, federally funded, FQHC. And you know, I’ve just worn many hats there. Federally qualified health center. I am a medical professional.

Okay. What are some of those hats?

Okay. So here’s the rundown!

Yes!

The rundown is… When I first started there, I was front patient registration. When all the patients came in, I registered them, checked them in. After doing that for two years, I was approached and offered the position of assistant manager. And so I went to our second site—now we have three sites, but then it was only two sites. I went to the second site; I was the assistant manager. And then after that, hit a little bump in the road… After that, I took a break, you know, from managing. And then after the break, I went back to patient registration, and then I went back to being the assistant manager.

And after that, I went to front operations manager. And then… After that! (Laughs) I hit a couple of bumps in the road with my health, for the past I would say two, two and a half years… I had to take some time off—I had to be on medical leave, the year before last and last year. And so… When I came back to work, I was working with the call center. And then shortly after that, I went to pre-registration. So this was the year before last, when I came back to work. I started off in the pre-registration, did that… And then last year, went on medical leave again. Then came back, started in the call center, and after that, went right back into pre-registration. New patient appointments. That’s what I presently do. All around the mulberry bush, right? (Laughs)

Yeah, yeah, that’s indeed many hats! (Laughs) Yeah, how did you get started in that?

Oh. So… Long to the short, I was working for a stop and shop distribution warehouse, many years ago. Then all of a sudden they closed, they went out of business… Laid everybody off. And I’m talking about people who were working there for years. Laid everybody off, gave everybody a severance. I was so conditioned, gotta work, gotta get a job!

Years before, I kept saying I want to go back to school. I want to go back to school to get my GED, because I never graduated. So I got laid off from there, and it was really a tug of war going on, as far as… Okay, it’s the perfect opportunity to do it. I can go back to school, get my GED. I have no problem collecting unemployment, cause that was there for everybody who got laid off. Fine. So after making the decision to go back to school, get my GED, I did that. After taking the test, time was dwindling down, funds was dwindling down, the time I was on the unemployment. It was due to end.

And I ran into an employee—no longer works there—but I ran into an employee who was working there at the time, and I told her that I was looking for work. I ran into her and her husband at the time. And her husband, I went to cosmetology school with!

Oh wow!

Yeah, go figure. So long to the short, she said, “You know what, we’re looking for people. Go and apply, put me down as a reference.” And okay! So it was history from there on. Like I said I started with Caring Health Center in 2006.

Mhm. You mentioned cosmetology school?

Yeah! So… I went to cosmetology school, I graduated, no problem…

What all is that? I’m thinking hair and makeup… Is it more than that? I’m not really sure.

Well, I can tell you when I went—which was many moons ago now! It was hair, it was facials. It was… What do they call it, aesthetician? It was hair, facials, it was nails… But at that time, it was… You could do either hair, beauty stuff, or just nails. So, in the cosmetology part of it, they taught us how to do manicures, and pedicures—certain things you do and do not do with pedicures and manicures. Facials, and hair… We dibbled and dabbled with makeup, but nothing professional. So that’s what we did in cosmetology school.

I went, I graduated, had a lot of fun doing it. I worked part time, at the same time. When I graduated cosmetology school, I worked a little bit in a salon. Maybe two years. I worked in two different salons. It was… Nice, good, and fun. The only thing about, you know, doing hair and in that field, is it’s hard to build up your clientele. At least it was for me. I don’t think, looking back on everything now, I could have done a lot of things differently. But I didn’t know then. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You have to put forth an effort to build up your clientele any way you can. And I didn’t have that know-how then.

Yeah. That sounds more like… I don’t know, business, advertising? That would be separate from your actual skill set that you’re using in the job, right.

Well yeah, because you know, that is your job. That is your business. You’re in charge of how much you’re building it up, or how much you’re not. And how much money you’re dishing out to rent that space, and to buy products, and all of that… It takes a lot when you’re first starting out.

Yeah, I did wonder. Your hair is beautiful!

(Laughs) Aw, thank you. Thank you so much. I can’t take credit this time.

Oh, no?

No, between my daughter and my stylist… I’m very well taken care of!

Okay! Awesome. Yeah so you mentioned you have a daughter, you have a son. Two kids—are there more?

No, I have three children. I have two sons, and a daughter. My daughter is the youngest. And I have two sons… My oldest son is 41, my middle—my youngest son is 34, and my daughter is 28.

Okay. Can you talk more about raising them, and what you’ve learned through your children? I know that’s probably… You could write a whole book about that, right? (Laughs)

That’s a big thing! Well… I would… First of all, I would say they are the best things that have ever happened to me. My first son, I had him when I was 16. My children are 6 and 7 years apart. And let’s be clear, I didn’t raise them by myself and on my own. I did have a husband. So we raised them together.

Some times were better than other times, as far as raising the children. We weren’t rich. We were poor. Two-income home. But they had everything they needed, you know what I mean? It’s not easy, it’s better with two people than one. You know what I mean? It’s not easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I wouldn’t change anything. Because if I changed anything about how they came about, how they were raised, I would not be where I am at this moment.

But… How do I put this? I didn’t have any… You know, issues, as far as raising my kids—how they turned out. It wasn’t an easy journey. I was a young mother. And learning as I went along, you know… And just trying to take one day at a time, always trying to make sure they had, you know what I mean? Always put myself on the back burner. Nevermind me, I’ll be okay. I will figure it out. I am grown. But as far as you kids? No. Whatever you guys needed, I would spend my last dime, making sure you guys, you know, had, all the time. I would definitely make sure that their hair was done. (Laughs) Yeah!

Right, yeah!

My boys always had the nice cut! I always made sure my daughter’s hair was always done. With my daughter, that was a struggle, because of the type of hair that she had. But I always made sure that they looked good, that they were clean! Their hair was done, their clothes were clean. They may not have had the name brands that everybody is so hung up on, and all of that… But they always had what they needed! We had good times—we have good times. Everybody’s an adults. Everybody comes to and fro… Yeah. I love my kids! I love my kids.

Yeah, so you said they’re 6 and 7 years apart. What are some things you learned as you became a new mom in those different phases of your life?

Oh, wow… What a question! To make sure… I can be hard and stern, but I’m always fair. I’m always fair. And I always try to make sure that, you know, there were no favorites. I always tried to make sure that all of my kids felt loved, and knew that they were loved, and tried to spend as much time with them as I possibly could, in the formative years… You know, going to games, going to school functions, going to parent-teacher conferences, going to open houses, all of that. That’s very important. I always tried to do that.

When you have kids, you never ever want to look around and wonder, “What happened?” When, or if your kids start acting a certain way, and start talking to you in a certain way, then you wonder, “Where is this coming from?” Or “Who do you think you’re talking to?” Then, they’ll tell you! You know what I mean? It could come out good, or it could come out bad. But it’s very important that you try to do that.

I don’t know, I mean… Those are some of the things I learned along the way. I always wanted to make sure my kids were happy! You know, happy and… I didn’t want them to have to want for anything. Even though we were poor—we didn’t have money like that. We were surviving, you know what I mean? We took one day at a time, one week at a time, one check at a time.

That’s one thing, I always wanted my kids to be happy. I didn’t want them to, you know, like they say, be in grown folks’ business, about the bills, about the money. I never wanted them to worry about that. So… I hope I answered your question!

Yeah! And I guess yeah, speaking of kids, and relationships with kids, what was or is your relationship with your own mom like?

Oh okay. So… My relationship with my mom is much better now than it was before.

Yeah, take us through the evolution!

Oh, God…

As much as you’re comfortable!

(Laughs) So… You know, me and my siblings, we all grew up in church. My mom has been the secretary of our church for over fifty years now.

Oh wow, okay.

We all grew up in church. I am the baby of six siblings. So we all grew up in church and whatnot… I left home at a real early age, hence me having my first child at 16. So when all of that was going on… It was an ordeal, to say the least. Things weren’t… The best, you know. Over the years, things… Got… They were not so good. Let’s just keep it at that. Things were not so good over the years. But things got better with time, you know? Fast forward to now, my relationship with my mom is 100% better than what it used to be.

Now don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying my relationship with my mom, when we did have rocky times… It was never, you know, like the type of cussing and screaming and arguing, slamming doors… Being disrespectful and rude. It was never, ever that. I just want to be clear about that. I never, ever disrespected my mom in that type of way, in that manner.

Now, we are excellent, we’re much closer. We’re in a much better place now.

Nice! Did that happen over time? Or do you remember a turning point?

It happened over time. I can’t give a specific time frame of when it happened. It’s just one of those things that happens organically. You don’t really, like, oh okay, yes, I remember it was right then! No. It just happens! You go through life, you know what I mean? You’re living. So… It just happened.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Let’s see, switching gears a little bit! What are some of your hobbies or leisure activities?

Ooh! (Laughs) So let’s see. Okay! So, I love to sing. I can sing! Not to toot my own horn or anything…

Please, toot your own horn!

I can sing, I love to sing. I’ve been singing ever since I was a little girl. I grew up in church singing. I got my singing ability from my dad, and my mom—collectively. I love to sing! In my spare time, I have done weddings, I have done funerals. Occasions like that. And of course, I have my own YouTube channel.

That was the next question! (Laughs) But yeah, please continue.

I have my own YouTube channel. It started off as being “Let’s Talk With Moe”. That was the beginning of it. That used to be the title of it. But now, it’s Ms. Moe Reacts. (LINK) And I’m on YouTube. And so I’ve been doing YouTube for some years now! That’s like, my main hobby that I do. My main thing that I do in my spare time. As soon as I’m done Monday-Friday working my 8:30-3:30 job, I try to dive into that. On the weekends and anytime I can through the week. That is my outlet, know what I mean? That is my go-to.

So I sing, I have my own YouTube channel. I used to do hair in my spare time, but I don’t really do that anymore, you know? I can do hair, I just don’t. There comes a time… I still love it, but not like that.

Of course, I love to shop!! Who doesn’t like to shop!? And you know, I try to spend time with my kids. As much as I can! They’re all grown. The oldest lives in Atlanta—he’s married. Couple of grandkids… My youngest son and my daughter live with me. My youngest son has a son, and my daughter doesn’t have any children.

That’s really about it. I just really, really love doing my YouTube channel! I really love it.

Yeah! Talk more about that? How and why did you start it, and what’s it all about?

So… Long to the short, there is a video as to why or how I got started being a content creator/YouTube creator/influencer. So long to the short, I was talking to my kids one day… My two sons are music producers, and their name is The Ryches.

Oh, they produce music together?

Yes, they do! They are called The Ryches. They produce music together. And Ryches is spelled R-Y-C-H-E-S.

Oh, R-Y…

So the reason behind the different, unique spelling of The Ryches is because they wanted to be unique in the spelling of their collaboration together, so they tried really hard to you know, make sure that no one else had the same spelling as they do.

So each of my children has their own creative projects going on. So my oldest son is you know, part of The Ryches, as I mentioned—he is a music producer with my youngest son. And my youngest son also has a YouTube channel. And it’s just as it sounds: itsjora. Believe it or not, he did very well with his YouTube channel. He lived in Atlanta for a short period of time, with my oldest son, and my daughter-in-law and grandkids. He was really active at one time, hasn’t been too active lately, but he plans on picking up the baton again, and picking up where he left off.

My oldest son is into fitness, aside from music career. He’s into fitness, a lot of that. He would like to start his own YouTube channel as well, to show his fitness journey, his weight loss journey, and all of that.

My oldest son, and my daughter-in-law—they have started their own candle business.

Ooh!

It’s been… It was established one year ago, in November.

Awesome.

They are doing very well. The name of their candle business is called Lynn & Carter. So you can go on over there, get your candle fix! I am very, very proud of them for you know, starting that business. I LOVE candles, I don’t know about anybody else.

Yeah, me too!

Yeah! So that’s what’s going on with my sons. And so my daughter—she’s my only daughter, she’s the baby of the three. She also has her own YouTube channel as well. Her YouTube channel name is Richiee! Here we go again with the unique spelling. So yes, she also wanted to make sure that the name of her channel was also unique in spelling, and in the name. And so the spelling of her channel is Richiee. And you can find her on YouTube.com/Richiee.

And so she has had her YouTube channel for some years now. She is doing very, very well with it. I am very, very proud of her. She also sings. She is very, very talented. She sings, she does her own hair, she does her own, got a little style on the dress front. Yeah! She’s got a lot going on.

They are definitely on Instagram—everyone is on Instagram. If you want to look up my oldest son on Instagram, his name is 200_percentfit. That is my oldest son on Instagram. My youngest son, Jeremy, its_j.ora. And my oldest son’s name is Heath, Jr. And my daughter—she is on Instagram as well. You can find her under the name richieerichie. Yes. She also wanted to be different on Instagram as well, so there will be no mistaking who she is. And you can also find my boys as far as the producing of the music on Instagram. Their name on Instagram is _TheRyches.

All three of my kids were talking to me one day, and they said “Mom, when we get into the position of rubbing shoulders with people, what would you want to do so we can try to make it happen? Depending on what you say you wanna do?” So I really had to take a long look and a step back at that question, and what that question meant. I really had to think about it. It’s like okay. What would, or what do I think that I would be good at? And how could it, would it possibly be lucrative for me? And so I really had to think about that!

And the kids said, “Ma! Why don’t you start a YouTube channel?” And I said, “Uhhh… *sound of disgust* You think I should??” (Laughs) They said, “Yeah! Because you’re funny, you like to talk to people, you know? You’re outgoing, you’re not afraid to talk to people, you’re not afraid to be in front of a camera, in front of people.” And all that. So I said okay, let me think about it.

And so, I did it. For you people out there, when you go to my channel, you can see my progress as far as from my first video, throughout all of my videos to present day, how I have progressed!

Yeah, when did you start? How long ago was that? I did notice you had a lot of videos. I think I was poking around a few of them. I didn’t look at the very first one though.

It’s okay, and I’m gonna tell you in a minute. It’s a shame, I should know this! But I don’t! I do not. And so… Lemme look… It has been… Since 2015.

Oh nice! Wow! So about 8 years.

It’ll be 8 years in December.

Okay, and what was your first video? What was the first one? You said it started as Let’s Talk With Moe, and now it’s Ms. Moe Reacts.

Yeah. So it started off with Let’s Talk With Moe. And so… The very first… Oh my goodness! The very first video that I did. I’m gonna tell you. If I’m not mistaken, it was about Jada Pinkett Smith. And I’m gonna give you the actual thing here… It was about another young lady as well.

One minute! Cause it’s been a minute! Okay, here we go. The name of this video is “Stacey Dash Jada Pinkett Smith Aunt Viv Obama (Let’s Talk)”. That was the very first video I ever did. So I was talking about Stacey Dash, Jada Pinkett Smith, and I was talking about the actress that was originally cast as Aunt Viv from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Oh okay.

Yeah. So.

Yeah. What are some highlight videos, that you can just remember? What are some that you just had so much fun with, or that you think are particularly memorable?

Oh! I did two videos on this young man, and unfortunately he passed away. His name is Kevin Samuels. And so I did two videos on him. Now, let’s be clear. Right now, I have 1,383 subscribers. And I have been doing YouTube for 8 years. No, I’m not one of the most popular. I’m not right now. But I am on my way. I have been doing it for a while. I get the amount of view that I get on my videos. There are certain videos that I do that get more views than others, so those are the types of videos I try to keep presenting.

However, I did two videos about Kevin Samuels, and… I did not know that I was going… I didn’t anticipate getting the response that I got, on both of those videos. There was a lot going on in the comments, you know. So those two videos—they stand out to me. There are some shorts that stand out for me, that I talk about… In one short I talk about women saying that they don’t need a man, and how that sounds.

And backing up, talking about videos I did on Mr. Kevin Samuels. He was something else, as far as the kind of content that he brought. His main thing was relationships. You know, he started off… When he started doing YouTube, he started speaking to the men—black men, men in general, trying to get them to step up and be better for women—for black women—as far as relationships go.

Then here come us women, trying to get all in the mix! He did a show where you could call in, and be on the show visually. Women started calling in, and it just took off, more than it already was. A hit. That’s what he stood for, and that’s the type of content he brought. Trying to talk more about relationships and marriage. You know what I mean? The black family unit. The family unit.

And so I did two videos on that. It got an overwhelming response, which like I said, I didn’t anticipate that. But those are two videos that stand out, like I said. A couple of my shorts stand out, because… Getting back to one of your original questions, what is my channel about? So my channel is mainly a reaction channel, you know? I react! And so I do a little bit of hair stuff, vlogging, lifestyle, a little bit of fashion. But it’s mainly a reaction channel. It’s everything in between. It’s whatever, really, I wanna do!

Right. That’s great! Okay, awesome. Who are some of your mentors? What kinds of people or who specifically do you look up to?

So as far as like who influenced me… Who were a few of my mentors, as far as what I do, my channel, and that sort of thing… In no particular order! (Laughs) Wendy Williams. And so when I say each one, I’ll try to give a real quick why. Wendy Williams, I always liked the way she said what she said. She said what she meant, and she meant what she said. And her stage presence. You know, she just said it. And she didn’t give no two qualms about it. Now, let’s be clear, there’s a time and a place and there’s a way. Your approach. Those are the things I’ve always liked about her.

My goodness. These couple of names escape me right now. And I also did a video on this! Oh man… That’s a shame… Definitely Wendy Williams. You know, Oprah. (Laughs) That’s a given. The talk show host aspect of it all, you know what I mean? I don’t think I mentioned this one in my video, but Phil Donahue. You know, I’m really showing my age, but Phil Donahue. Who else… There are a few more…

What about Phil Donahue do you like?

I always loved the way he was running around in the audience with the microphone. He really dove into asking the hard questions, as far as like… And for me, I like to get to the meat and potatoes of whatever it is. I really like to ask, “Oh, well how did that make you feel?” Or “Who’s that?” “What about that?” I really like to get deep down, I like to ask a lot of questions anyway. I’m a very detailed person.

This person, I don’t know if anybody would remember… Her name is Yolanda. Black, African-American woman. She used to have her own talk show as well. Oh my God, there are… Hold on, there’s a couple. Yes! Tavis Smiley. He used to have a talk show on BET—Black Entertainment Television. And… Donnie Simpson. He had a music video show on BET as well. He doesn’t have it anymore. It was years ago. But Donnie Simpson. I always loved his approach. He was soft-spoken, always asked great questions, a great interviewer. Ed Gordon. He was a news anchor for BET as well. So yeah, that’s just to name a few. Roland Martin as well. He was on BET.

So mostly talk show hosts?

Yes, definitely. Because… Here’s one. And I know I’m staying on this. Linda Ellerbee. And that’s… You know, all these people. I don’t know if they’re way before you, or if you’ve heard of any of them. But Linda Ellerbee. Barbara Walters. You know, people like that, because they had a way. They had a presence. They had the It factor, you know what I mean? They did. And those are people that I look up to, as far as what I do. And there are other people that are not in the lime light like that. Regular people like me, there are other people that I consider to be mentors as well.

Yeah, yeah, cool. You mentioned, what was his name… Samuel, someone talking about relationships?

Kevin Samuels.

Kevin Samuels. Okay. If you don’t mind sharing, what are some things you’ve learned from your own relationships? You mentioned your husband… Are you still with that same person? Take us through your relationship history!

Oh God, no!

Take us through as many relationships as you’d like to share, like what things you learned from each one…

Well, I haven’t had that many. Let’s be clear about that! I haven’t had that many relationships, I haven’t had that many partners. Body count matters. (Laughs) Um… As far as my husband, no. I am not with him anymore. We got divorced… Oof. Wow. I would say over 15 years ago, going on… You know, in between 15 and 20 years ago we got divorced. But he has since passed away. One year ago, this past March, he passed away. Yeah, but before that, we had got divorced, and it was my decision that we got divorced. Yeah so… That happened. Three kids later… I was with him, married, relationship and married. I was with him a little over 20 years.

Let’s put it this way, I was married over half my life. Three kids later… All good. But I am with the best man ever, now! I am totally happy, you know? You know, what every woman says—not every woman but you know what a lot of women say—he treats me like a queen! A princess!

Amazing.

He actually does!

How long have you been with… This one?

A long time. A long time… I would say… Mm. And now, I’m gonna say this. This is gonna open a Pandora’s box, but it’s fine. I have been with him over 20 years.

Okay, I was wondering if there’d be a little overlap when you said that.

Yeah. So… Yeah. I’ve been with him for a while. Yeah… About that. Cause I always have to ask him, “Honey, how long have we been together?”

Yeah, if you don’t mind sharing… You did mention that you ended your marriage previously. Can you go into… About the reasoning why you decided to end it?

It was… Overdue. Basically. That’s one thing I will say. I’m not gonna go into a lot of detail as far as that.

Of course.

It was something that was well overdue. And you know… We were two different people. We started off young, on a certain path. And I chose that path at a young age, you know… But then… You grow up. You get wiser, and you get smarter—hopefully, everybody gets smarter and wiser, but sometimes they don’t. And sometimes a person will stay in a certain place, and the other person won’t, and you find this happening. (Gesturing hands separating) For whatever reasons, you know what I mean? I think… Yeah. To give you an official reason: irreconcilable differences.

Yeah, that’s real.

We’ll just leave it there. Keep it there.

Yeah. What are some of the biggest challenges that you’ve faced and overcome?

Definitely… I would say definitely maneuvering, bobbing and weaving what I was going through in my divorce. Dealing with that, overcoming that. Even though it was my decision… I still had to deal with the fallout of certain things happening, through that whole ordeal, you know? So that’s one thing that I had to overcome and deal with.

The other thing that I dealt with and have overcome is me being a cervical cancer survivor.

Oh.

That was a very, very hard time in my life. I had already had my three kids. I had already went back to work after my daughter. I went back to work. And me, I am always the type of person, I go yearly to get my annual checkup. I go yearly to get my annual pap smear. And you know, once you reach a certain age, you have to start getting your mammograms done. So I was always one to get my checkups and my pap smears done. So.

After I had my daughter, I waited a whole year before I got my pap done. So I went and got my pap done. It came back abnormal. They said, “Okay, we need you to come back in. We’re gonna do a biopsy.” So they did a biopsy. They tested it. The doctor called me back in, and so… He called me in, and I went in by myself, I didn’t think anything of it. He said, “Yeah, just letting you know, you have cervical cancer. You know…” Operate, whatever.

I’m just sitting there. It didn’t register at first. I said, “What? What are you talking about?” He said, “Yeah, you have cervical cancer. We caught it in time. We can do surgery.” And all of that. I said, “Oh.” I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. He was more than willing to explain to me what the surgery was going to entail, you know… He said, “We’re gonna do surgery. We’re gonna do a radical hysterectomy. Take this out, take that out. We don’t have to take out your ovaries. Your ovaries can stay.” I’m not trying to get too graphic.

You know, you’re gonna take a while to recuperate. And, “Okay.” And so… He told me all that. It’s fine. Okay. Okay, Doc. Okay. Why did he… Everything was fine, but why did he tell me, we’re gonna do the surgery… He even asked me which way on my body did I want him to do the incision. You know, horizontally or vertically. I said horizontally, bikini please. He said okay fine. All that was fine.

I was fine up until he told me I’m gonna have a catheter. I said Doc, what are you telling me now? I don’t want to hear that. Is there anything else to bypass? He said no… You gotta have a catheter. After a certain amount of time you come in, we’ll take it out. Okay. So. Needless to say, I left the office, I was crying. I was in tears. I was by myself. At the time, my husband was at home with the kids. So, I went home, told him the news. You know… Long to the short, I know I’m drawing this out…

No problem.

Long to the short, it took me a while to recuperate. The hardest thing about that whole ordeal was… My daughter was a toddler at the time. She was born in… ’95. So… ’96. I had my surgery, and no I didn’t take a whole year to get my pap done. I had my surgery in ’96. She was born in ’95. She was a little toddler. And the worst about that whole ordeal was… I couldn’t hold her. I couldn’t hold her.

Ah…

I couldn’t hold her. I depended a lot on my oldest son. And at the time, my husband. Couldn’t hold her. It broke me up. It broke me up so bad… And even my daughter to this day, “Oh my God, Ma, I can’t believe you couldn’t hold me.” So yeah. That’s another thing I’ve dealt with and overcame. And it’s been more than 20 years. I am cancer free. Thank God. No problems, no issues.

Aside from other losses, family members… I lost two of my brothers, but the hardest… The hardest one for me was my dad. He was 61 when he passed away.

Oh wow.

That was really hard for me, too. That one. Number one, it was my dad. Number two, the way everything happened… You know, it was very devastating to me. I was like, there, the whole time. It happened in a Walmart here… And so I’ll never forget that. But that was something I had to deal with, you know… I don’t know if I would say that I have overcome it, but it’s much, much easier now… It’s been a lot of years since that happened. I’ll never forget that because I was there, in the thick of it. Everything happened… But yeah, I think those are the… What’d I say, three things?

Yeah. Wow. And if you’re comfortable sharing, what’s something you still struggle with nowadays?

Something I struggle with now…? Menopause! (Laughs) I struggle with menopause!

Yeah.

Oh! Okay. All right. So. No seriously, I do struggle with menopause. Not so much like I did before, but I still kinda struggle with certain symptoms from menopause. The up and down, the yo-yoing of weight gain, bloating… I don’t think so much mood, you know mood swings, changes. I don’t think so much of that. But on and off, heat flashes, hot flashes—not like I used to get ‘em before, but I’m on medication now.

But I do deal with menopause, and I deal with… Medically, I deal with neck pain, back pain, and I had a really bad experience with sciatica, on my left side. I wound up in the hospital for that, last year—last July. And so, yeah. That’s something… Those things I am still currently dealing with. And… Anxiety, when it comes to certain things.

Right.

Certain things! I was in a car accident years ago. And so I still have anxiety when it comes to… In the car, you know what I mean?

Yeah, of course.

And so, dealing with what has happened to me as far as sciatica. I have nerve damage as a result of that. Like I said, it happened on my left side. That will never be the same. I have numbness. Shooting pains, all that. I deal with that on a daily basis.

Yeah, wow.

I deal with it. I don’t know if you would say… I guess I’m overcoming it, but I’m still dealing with it! It’s not going anywhere.

Right, yeah. What kinds of things do you do to deal with it? Like, physically, emotionally—what are your coping mechanisms?

Coping mechanisms are, I find that walking helps me, stay active! I gotta do better with that. When I do walk, I walk my dogs—I have two dogs. Walking helps me. There are specific stretching exercises that I can do, that help me tremendously with specifically my sciatica.

Mentally, you know, I try to stay upbeat. Positive attitude. Because I do know how blessed I am. I know how blessed I really am. And I try not to take a lot of things for granted, in spite of what I may be dealing with, physically, emotionally, mentally. Know what I mean? I try to stay upbeat, positive attitude. That’s what I’m doing mentally for myself. Physically, the rest of those things: doctor’s orders!

Yeah. Cool, just a couple more questions. How do you define success?

Oh, God… Ah… That’s a trick question, girl! I can define success, I don’t know, some people may think, no… That’s a hard one. I can define success for me as being where I am right now. This moment. Right now, at this juncture. I can define this as success. I can define me having three grown children—they’re doing great. I can define that as success. I can define me being a cervical cancer survivor as success, because I have my life, health, and strength, and my faculties about me. That is success.

I am able to do what I am doing. I can define that as success. I have family. I have people who care about me. I have friends. I have the best man in the world who loves me. I can define all of that as success. You know what I mean? And I am able to continue having all of these things. I am able to continue doing my YouTube channel, I am able to continue singing. And these are gifts that I have been blessed with, to have. To be able to do these things: I define all of that as success.

I don’t know what else to say! It is a continuous success, where I’m concerned.

Yeah, it’s not just like, “Okay, I made it. It’s done.” It’s ongoing!

No, it’s not. It’s ongoing. You’re constantly working, and you’re constantly building, and striving for excellence, when it comes to whatever you have a passion for. And I have a passion for my YouTube channel. I have a passion for singing. I have a passion for helping people, know what I mean? I really do. That is a passion of mine. And this is what I do. I could be walking down the street, and a regular Joe Schmo, Mary Lou will come up me, not knowing me from a can of paint! And they will pour their heart and soul out to me. And that has happened on numerous occasions. Know what I mean? Especially with people that I do know as well. A lot of people have come to me, and continue to come to me, in confidence, because they can appreciate my advice, or my counsel, or my positive energy, my encouragement, my being able to uplift. That… I don’t know. This is what I’ve been told from people, as well. I encourage. I uplift. I motivate. This is what I do. And some people say, “Well that’s your ministry!” Okay. Okay. If that… I do believe that as well. I do have a gift.

Yeah. That’s great. Yeah! So what’s something you’re looking forward to?

Doing better with my YouTube channel, you know? I am constantly trying to improve, trying to just get to the next level. I am also looking forward to getting older! (Laughs) You know? It’s God’s will. I am looking forward to getting older, growing old gracefully, you know? I am looking forward to continuously seeing my children get older. Enjoying my grandkids. Traveling! Cause I do travel. I’m just looking forward to staying in good health, you know? A little bit more money wouldn’t hurt! (Laughs) Just putting all good thoughts, good energy, good vibes out! I’m just looking forward to stepping up. Elevating. Know what I mean? Taking it as it comes!

Yeah, where would you like to travel? Or where have you traveled already, and where would you like to go?

I used to do a lot of traveling… Like I said, I grew up in church. We used to do a lot of traveling. I have traveled… Greensboro, North Carolina. Charlotte, North Carolina… I mean, here. Locally. New Haven, Hartford, Boston… New York, New Jersey. Newport News, Virginia. Portsmouth, Virginia. Tennessee. Atlanta, Georgia… Where else… Durham, North Carolina. Yeah! There’s a lot of places that I have gone, but there’s still a lot of places… Washington, D.C.! You know, there’s still a lot of places that I have not been! Baton Rouge, Louisiana! That’s where my dad is from.

Oh! Hehe. I’m about to do my internship there!

Oh, wow! Okay. Baton Rouge, Louisiana… New Orleans! I’ve been there! N’awlins!

Yeah! Yup!

Definitely been there. Bourbon Street! I was a bridesmaid in one of my girlfriends’ weddings. So yeah, I went there. That was fun!

Yeah, that’s where I live right now!

I would love to go back there. Places that I would like to go… Florida. Would definitely like to go to Florida. I would like to go to Saint Lucia, you know? I would love to go Dubai!

Hmm. Yeah!

You know, you see the pretty pictures! It’s like ooh! Paris. Love to go to Paris… Puerto Rico, you know? I don’t know, just… Certain places like that. I’ve never been to California either. My sister and my brother live there. Yeah. LA, San Francisco… There’s a lot of places that I haven’t gone that I would like to go. But I’ve been a lot of places!

Awesome! You mentioned aging gracefully. What does that mean for you?

Well… You know… What that means for me… To each his own, let’s put that out there. That’s the disclaimer. To each his own.

Of course.

I have never been to a lot of the makeup. A lot of the… The lace frontals. The over-the-top weaves, and all of that. I have never been into that. But you do what you do. You do whatever floats your boat. You do whatever makes you feel better. Confident. All of that. You do what you wanna do. I am more on the natural side of things. No makeup. I do get a little help with protective styles, with adding extra hair in, a little bit here and there. Nothing over the top though. That’s what I think.

Nothing over the top. No makeup, really. And if I do any type of makeup, it’ll be a little bit of illuminating primer, a little bit of mascara, liiiittle bit of blush. But that’s just to enhance what I already have. And I mean, it’s a little bit. A natural look. My daughter will do that for me. That’s what I mean by growing old gracefully. Not putting a lot of… A lot of whatever… Just trying to maintain what I have. Trying to take care of what I have, as far as my looks, my body… You know what I mean?

Mhm.

I think that’s what I mean by growing old gracefully. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with using a certain beauty product. Like I said, what I may or may not do, that doesn’t have anything to do with what everybody else does. You’re gonna do what you wanna do. And I’m gonna do what I wanna do. So I don’t know, that what I think I mean by growing old gracefully. I mean, let it happen! (Laughs) Just let it happen. Do the best that you can with what you have.

Like I said, if you wanna do all that stuff, you do all that stuff. Because if that’s gonna make you feel better, you know, you do that. If you look good, you feel good. That’s just not my cup of tea.

Mhm. Cool! Well, is there anything else you want to talk about that I didn’t ask?

I do appreciate you, and what you do—the platform that you do have, in featuring older and more mature women in media.

Yeah.

I think it is very well needed, because we are wise! And we are not withered. So yeah. I think this is a good thing, and I really really do wish you much, much success with your platform and your Podcast, and I’m just happy that I could be a part of it!

Yeah, me too! Hehe.

Yeah. Um, if you don’t mind my asking, I looked at information on your profile and all of that, but I don’t remember. How long have you been doing this?

I think around 2018, yeah. So about five years.

Okay, okay… Now I did see that it is the choice of the interviewee as to if they want to just do audio, or visual, for the interview, so I think that is a great option to give the people that you interview, because sometimes, you know, someone may not want to be seen, but they want to be heard. I think that’s great.

Yeah, I transcribe all my interviews, too, so if you don’t want to listen, you can read. So always lots of options!

Yeah! I saw that! I saw that. It’s like oh wow! This is very interesting, too! So you… Have you ever thought of doing YouTube?

I’ve thought about it. I mean, obviously I probably wouldn’t do my own YouTube videos until I personally get older. I’m still in my 30’s. I’ve always gotten asked like, “Why are you doing this? You’re still kinda young.” It’s like, okay… I had the idea in my 20’s. I thought I would just start it now, and then as I get older, and especially talking with more people, then maybe I’ll start talking about my own life more, like maybe in my 40’s. But for now… Part of the project is also that I created all these characters—older women from all corners of the world, and had artists and illustrators bring them to life. That’s another part of the project. But it’s also interviewing people, and getting all kinds of different perspectives, and yeah… Yeah, just expanding representation of older women in media. That’s the tagline!

That’s good, that’s good. I really appreciate you doing what you do.

All right, cool! I’ll be in touch soon! Thank you so much. Hehe.

All righty, bye!

Bye!